I talk about loving yourself. It is my passion. I want to encourage people to love and accept themselves as they are right now. I want them to embrace all their perceived flaws and find strength and confidence within themselves.
As I say all of these things, I've been having a rough go of just that. I was so close to my weight loss/surgical goal and then I decided that the medication that one of my doctors had me on was not worth the constant nausea and other side effects that it gave me. I gradually tapered off my dose until I took none so that I didn't shock my body with quitting cold turkey. Then, I was completely shocked when I gained back most of the weight that I had lost while on the medication. I was devastated...
It has thrown me into a cycle of research, frustration, determination, defeat, and self-sabotage. I'm sure that I am an absolute bear to live with most days. I'm not trying to be difficult or angry. I'm just so frustrated. When I feel this way, I am critical of everything about myself. My clothes don't fit right. My hair needs cut. My teeth are embarrassing. My toes look weird. My voice sounds funny (bad for having a podcast for sure!) What if no one likes or can relate to what I have to say? Why am I even doing this???
I am telling you all this to let you know that I am a flawed human too. I struggle. I don't always feel like the upbeat, inspirational, happy person that I try to be. My self-esteem suffers.
Being human isn't the problem. It isn't what matters. What does matter is what I do about it. What can I do when my self-esteem is in the trash?
Writing is where I tend to start. It is amazing to me how much better I feel when I am able to write out what I am thinking and feeling. Sometimes, I can see patterns in my behaviors and reactions that need correcting. Oftentimes, I see things that are less than factual or logical that my mind has been hyper focusing on. I need to throw those things out.
Doing something physical is the next course of action for me. Today, I used my self-bashing energy to mow the lawn. Might not sound like much since we don't have a huge yard. However, it is the very first time I mowed the lawn...ever. I'm really proud of this. It is a simple thing for most, but it was a new experience and I did it so that my husband didn't have to on his day off. Double prizes! Physical work for me to release negative energy, and an act of service to show my husband that I love him. Win - Win!
If these two things don't work, I try some self-care. I go outside to get some sunshine on my skin and fresh air in my lungs. I do a little de-cluttering of my living space to clear my mind. Yes...it works that way for me. I watch a little mindless tv or read a book for leisure. Sometimes it can be simply snuggling with my cat.
I keep trying. I keep going until I can look at myself in the mirror or in a picture like the one on this post, and not see my flaws, but instead see my beautiful smile and the happiness on my face as I am looking at my husband. I keep working at myself until I can remember that my husband didn't rescue trash but fell in love with a beautiful person...me.
My hope, in sharing this with you, is that you too can find a way to remember that you are beautiful and worthy, even when you feel that you are not.
Remember...
You Are Beautiful
You Are Amazing
You Are Worthy
and
I Believe in You!
~Lady Misty